A little insight to how my brain works sometimes Part 2.1

so last time I wrote, I started to talk about my brain. And self esteem. It gets deeper and darker with this next post. Some horrible things happened, and I don’t normally tell people these kind of things for a fear of sounding melodramatic or really full of myself. Read part one here

So where I left my story last time was a bit of a crap cliff hanger. I got over-whelmed with writing, and this information needs to have it’s own space. Some of you may know, that I have bouts of anxiety and that I have a massive panic about life from time to time. There are two main reasons for it. The next two posts about this kind of run at the same time, so I’ve done a Game of Thrones and written two instalments. 

You remember that when I moved here, I used to try to buy friendship. I tend to think that I am human trash; and basically everyone around me is just putting up with me. I always think, that one day, I am going to be so annoying that everyone will just leave and I’ll be back to where I was before. Desperately wanting for people to like me that I just buy them whatever to keep them around.

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4 thoughts on “A little insight to how my brain works sometimes Part 2.1”

  1. I know we don’t know each other stupenduously well or anything like that, having only conversed on Twitter. But I do think you are very brave for being open, and I am glad that you can look back and see how the experiences you had have made you the woman you are today. We are all the sum of our experiences and fortunately you have come out much the better for it.

    Just keep on being the person you are now, and good luck with the complimenting strangers thing, although I am considerably less shy then I was 20 years ago, that bit I still struggle with doing when its in person. But it is worth striving for!

    And again, it is good that you feel you can be open about this, there will be people reading this that can see themselves in this and maybe turn their life around sooner rather than later. You should be proud of yourself for that 🙂

    1. Thank you! Nearly didn’t post this at all, a lot of tears were shed and it made me angry too.
      All that being said, I wouldn’t know how strong I could be, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today if this hadn’t have happened.
      So many people assume abusive relationships are physical but it really isn’t the case, and emotional abuse probably wouldn’t register for most people.
      I’m glad I shared, I’ve had so much support and love from people and that really means a lot.

      Thank you so much for your comment Andy ?

  2. Omg. Thank you so much for writing this all down. Must have been very painful.
    You really resonated some of the ways I feel or the situations I have been in myself. Stay strong, and stay yourself ?

    1. I think being yourself is the best way to be. I’m glad I went through all of that nonsense, otherwise I wouldn’t be who I am today. It’s strange, I find writing about it all very soothing and cathartic in a way x

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