So, for a while I have been toying with the idea of doing a general advice post. A lot of people seem to think I have it all together, so I thought I would impart my wisdom on the world. Recently, I’ve been dropping advice all over the place so I’m sharing it on here for you all today.
4 things I wish I knew when I was 21
no one knows what they are doing
There is no such thing as a grown up. Bear with me on this one. There will be things that you don’t know how to do. There will be things that confuse the hell out of you. You will probably hurt yourself when doing DIY in some shape or form. This is the same for everyone. Even the people that seem to have the perfect life, will have questions and worries. My advice, google it. Ask for advice and help. There is no shame in holding your hands up, asking questions and learning. Everyday is a journey and you may as well enjoy it.
I feel like I will always have the impression that I am faking my way through adulthood. And, that’s okay. I think everyone gets that feeling sometimes, whether you are 18 or 80. There isn’t a single point so far, where I have awoken on my birthday, clicked my heels and jumped for joy because I am finally a grown up. I still feel the same as I did the day before. However, when I look back over the last 12 months, I realise just how far I have come with my attitude, confidence and abilities and this makes me happy. Always carry on learning, no one person knows everything anyway.
Don’t save things for ‘best’
We all have those clothes, shoes, bags etc hiding in the back of the wardrobe waiting for their day in the sun. My advice, wear them. Dress fancy when you’re nipping to the corner shop if you want to. If you love something, use it, wear it and enjoy it. If you are happy with your pretty trinkets why not enjoy them more often. Life is honestly too short to be saving things for ‘best’ Wear the ball gown, eat the tasty food, use the expensive face cream, use the good china. Make every day special. Enjoy life every single day, it’s the only one that you have.
There is also a flip side to this. And a lesson I have recently been learning more and more. Why oh why would you keep anything that you don’t use, have sentimental attachment to (within reason) or even like to look at? As you may know, I have ever changing tastes, for my clothing, and decor. So I have regular decluttering sessions, and man, I am brutal.
My memories of good times live on in my head, and I try to only keep clothing and decor that I actually like. Otherwise, they aren’t going to be used or appreciated. Give them away to charity, so that someone else can love them.
Cut out the Toxic
I like to have no drama. My friends are supportive and I to them. That is how it should be. Never put up with someone who doesn’t put the effort in for you. Some people are not good for your mental health, and no matter how long you have known them no one is worth the heartache and mental anguish. Surround yourself with love, and surround those you care about with the same. As Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” and this is so so true. If you let these soul suckers drag you down, then how are you ever going to slay life like the amazing person that you are? Do not let anyone make you feel inferior, or bad because of who you are. If they do, they are not a true friend to you.
It’s a difficult one to figure out and to discuss with the person too. I have had to cut a few people out, and it was honestly so hard to do then. I discussed it with each of them, let them know how they made me feel, and how we could address this. Then, I internally set a timescale for things to improve. And stuck to it. After this point, if things had not changed and in one case, they got worse, then it was “bye”. I slowly stopped responding to messages.
I felt awful at the time. But after a while, when I focussed on my own feelings and not the other person. I felt great. Like a load had been lifted from my shoulders. I had carried around another persons burdens and worries, without them helping me carry mine. And that is surprisingly draining.
My advice: don’t let people walk all over you. Be supportive and helpful, if you are offered the same in return.
Everyone has insecurities.
This is a big one, and one I have recently learnt. We all have things we don’t like about ourselves. For me, I worry that I am boring and that I have muscular thighs. (Those are the main ones, I have smaller niggles too, but I feel they may be for another day) I may be boring to some people, but as long as I have fun doing the things I enjoy does anyone else opinion even matter. And as for my thighs, they help me to stand, keep me upright and I have a really strong kick because of them. And I do love them, because if they were thinner, my hips and butt would look weird (I have a booty 😅) People looking at me, would probably not even see or know what I am talking about. And that’s my point.
We all have things that we don’t like, and maybe that’s why we can’t see those things on each other. Love yourself, you are you and that is so amazing. Out of all the possible combinations of DNA from your mummy and daddy, you were formed. And that’s a spectacular thing to have happened. So enjoy you, and take it from me, you’re pretty flipping special. Be yourself, and do what makes you happy. As the wonderful Dita von Teese said “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”
I hope you enjoyed my 4 things I wish I knew when I was 21 that I have shared with you today. I am still learning more and more about myself and the world each and every day. I am trying to be more positive and confident in everything that I do, and although I do sometimes have wobbles, they are getting fewer and they are nothing to be ashamed of either.